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Girls' Guide to Fishing

I took up fishing last year when my youngest graduated from high school, and I found myself with no activities to occupy myself.

My boyfriend is an avid fisherman who also enjoys snorkeling and scuba diving. I have been afraid of fish as long as I’ve been afraid of the Wizard of Oz movie, which is a very long time.

In an effort to get me to participate in the two more exotic and glamourous hobbies, he figured if I learned to fish I would no longer be afraid of a fish biting my (insert body part here) while in a lake or ocean.

So I learned to fish.

To everyone’s surprise, I actually like it and occasionally fantasize about living in a distant tropical land and fishing competitively. I will admit that laying on a beach while sipping adult beverages and fishing competitively are interchangeable in that fantasy.

With one whole year under my belt, I know enough now to share my expansive knowledge with women, and am offering the first Girls’ Guide to Fishing.

Since we bass fish, my advice is based on my knowledge of this particular fishing style. However, I caught the cutest drum one time and it was a blast. I say cute because it had little kissy-lips. Nonetheless, it was an accident.

Girls’ Guide to Fishing
Things you should know

Fishing Season
Fishing season traditionally begins about March and ends sometime in October. However, I have seen it begin in January and last until the end of December.

We are now in post-spawn season, which simply put, means that not many human babies will be born in the next seven to 12 months. (Handy hint: you can save lots of money on birth control during this time, which in turn may be used to purchase fishing lures.)

Nonetheless, to prepare yourself for fishing season, you should be ready anytime during the year just to be safe.

What to take on
your fishing trip

I suggest carrying a bag with your personal “stuff” to fishing trips. You will need obvious items such as sunglasses, sunscreen, lip balm, cell phone, something to pull your hair back, and your fishing license. Being a two-season veteran, I will also suggest the following:
1) Breath mints in case the fish aren’t biting
2) Food in case the fish are biting. You will not be leaving the lake for food if the fish are biting. In other words, the fish get to eat before you.
3) A razor to shave your legs in case your hair grows unbearably long during a marathon fishing trip.
4) Diet pills in case you run out of food before the fish stop biting.
5) A flashlight to find the diet pills in your bag.

Shore Fishing
vs. Boat Fishing

While there are arguments to support the virtues of each, I don’t personally have a favorite. However, knowing if you will be fishing from the shore or from a boat is essential in selecting an outfit and shoes. The rules are as follows:
1) Do not wear white. Ever.
2) Do not wear good shoes. Ever.
3) Boat fishing enhances the potential for suntanning, so I suggest a swimsuit unless you’re fishing in December.
4) Shave your legs for either fishing venue. If you don’t, your fishing partner will want to dangle your leg in the water because bass like stumps with grassy stuff around and on ‘em.
5) Waders are almost essential while shore fishing and I have found them to be good for two reasons:
a) They hide cellulite if you are in shorts or a swimsuit;
And , b) they keep chiggers off your ankles.

The major drawback to waders is if you are wearing them for practical purposes - wading way out into the water. If you are far out into the water and a big snake swims around you, the waders actually slow you down. Also, they only come in various shades of one color – brown.

Next Week: Learn Your Lures, Handling the Fish, Catch and Release, and Special Time

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