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Rather than talk about Iraq,
today let's talk about used cars


There I go again. Just a short while ago, I finished a rather lengthy column discussing the finer points of the war in Iraq. I read it, then trashed it.

I’ve done this about three times in the past few months. I’m not really sure why I decide to go through such an exercise in futility. Maybe just to get some kind of exercise under my belt.

More likely, it is because I see such polarization in this nation over the war that, even if I made an incredibly-moving argument in the vein of Will Rogers or Samuel Clements, there would still be about half of you who would snicker and call me a fool, and that would take a lot of time since I would prefer that if you ever decide to call me a fool, you stand in line and do it to my face.

So anyway, I tore that column up, so enough. We’ll forget for a moment the insane goings-on a half world away and focus on more important local things, such as the current selection of cars, trucks and motorcycles at the Impromptu Used Car Lot (IUCL) on West Highway.

Missing from the inventory the past few weeks is a early 70s vintage camper, which I think I saw in a badly-produced horror flick named something like “These Hills Have Eyes” or “Radioactive Mutant Children and Their Parents Destroy Your Summer Vacation.”

Lots of bad stuff happened in that camper. So, if the one that sat on the IUCL for a month or so was the same camper, I hope they cleaned it out some, or dropped the price.

Better yet, maybe we should network with some Hollywood movie studios and see if they would be interested in any of the other vehicles at IUCL.

There’s a 60s International pickup that could be used in the next “Hitcher” movie, or maybe in the new “Dueling with the Devil on Route 66.”

It’s a beat-to-hell International, but what International from 1960 isn’t? I saw one International go through the Wichita Falls tornado, and aside from what looked like a raking of bullet holes along one side, and four of six windows missing, that puppy still held its basic shape, which is stiff and boxy and eternal.

(THIS JUST IN....A quick check to verify the authenticity of this column found that the International is in fact a Ford. Since I’m tight on a deadline, just insert “Ford” where “International” is in the preceding paragraphs).

There are a couple of decent-looking sports vehicles but they aren’t turning too quick, probably because in such a small town everybody saw how you drove the thing for five years. The owner might try dropping it off somewhere in Burkburnett and see what shakes.

The old 30s Nash is still plopped down on the pavement, looking older than it did three weeks ago. The owner obviously didn’t drop the price $250 like I suggested then. It would be gone by now, probably sitting next to a barn and almost hidden by weeds.

It sadly looks like an abandoned vehicle, with no one to love it. Wait a minute, it is an abandoned vehicle, and should be impounded so that I can buy it for $40 bucks at the next auction, and then sell it for a nice margin on Ebay.

I think there’s been a Harley or two on the IUCL here and there. But they are older Harleys, when Harleys were on blocks and constantly under repair. Best to buy a new Harley, then dump it before it too starts thinning your wallet.

Otherwise, there is a four-door Caprice with custom peeled paint that might catch your fancy, a couple of decent pickups and a couple of really bad ones (the owner of the GMC might take off that “we go mudding on Sunday” sticker), and an old two-tone dirt beige Dodge van with custom curtains. The owner would make more money (or actually sell it, period) if he can get it in the vicinity of McAllen.

Ok. I feel better. Have a great week.

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