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Hillary's ankles, move over. Sarah got toasted

09/25/08

I love politics.

I’m lying. I hate politics, but I am fascinated by what politics inspire, including Leader office brawls, bloated dogs and lies like I just told.

And like many others I’m fascinated by Sarah Palin, Republican John McCain’s vice presidential running mate.

And not for the reasons you would think.

First, I cannot figure out how she gets her hair to do that thing it does. More importantly, someone is telling toast bearing her likeness on ebay.

And that’s not all the Sarah Palin collectibles they’re selling.

Listed on ebay along with the Sarah Palin t-shirts and campaign buttons was a “Fun with Sarah Palin” doll – Ladies on the Campaign Trail Doll series. This precious and youthful version the vice presidential candidate finds her dressed in a cute denim outfit with an American Flag on the bib of her overalls, holding a rifle with a miniature moose (her victim) as a bonus. As of presstime bids were up to $110.

I looked, but could not find a “Fun with Hillary Clinton” doll.

And there’s the Super Sarah Palin Action Figure Super Hero. Yours for only $45.95 if you “buy it now”.

This doll features the head of Jane Hathaway from the Beverly Hillbillies, Pamela Anderson’s torso and the legs of a bodybuilder who had external knee replacements. She was wearing evening attire of a white mini-skirt and pleather plunge vest.

If I were Sarah Palin I would sue. And win.

Sarah goes from an innocent moose-slaying child with a rifle to a crime-fighting, ugly-but-sexy, Super Hero whose hands are registered as lethal weapons in the click of a button.

Then there’s the toast. There’s always the toast.

Sarah Palin’s likeness toasted onto bread by divine intervention brought $31 plus shipping on ebay.

I looked hard at the toast and could only come up with a vague image of Fat Albert.

If you remember, the subject of various famous people popping up on toast comes up on the average of one and a half times a year in this column. Virgin Mary Cheesetoast sold for over $40,000 a couple of years ago on ebay.

My Dad would say, “Lord God.” I concur.

I’ve always wanted to make my own celebrity toast at home and decided this was the week. Armed with several loaves of bread and my toaster I stayed up half the night making toast.

It took half the night because my toaster only has two slots, but it has a very handy Pop Tart setting which I used for effect a couple of times.

Four hours of toasting bread and carefully examining both sides rendered me the entire cast of The Brady Bunch, including Sam the Butcher, Fabio, the little girl the Chinese government felt was too ugly to sing in the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, Hillary Clinton’s ankles and Lassie looking for Timmy in the well.

None of the toast will be on ebay – although I think an entire series of the Brady Bunch cast would bring pretty good money. Possibly enough to pay for all the bread I toasted.

But my daughter’s dog Max spotted Timmy in the well. In trying to save Timmy, Max ate enough toast that I couldn’t let him drink water for a while so he wouldn’t swell, a by-product of Hillary’s ankles.