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Barbie visits a tattoo parlor

10/20/11


I am not a prude. I am not a hater. But c’mon people, is nothing sacred?

Mattel’s answer to that question is, “If you’re talking about Barbie’s rubber-plastic skin, then no.”

Mattel unveiled their new Barbie® Totally Stylin’ Tattoos™ doll recently, and ever since I heard of it, have struggled to come to terms with whether it’s the best idea since candy cigarettes.

Not that I have anything against tattoos – I don’t.

However, I did spend the better part of my children’s adolescent years repeating the phrase, “before you put any permanent ink on your body, think long and hard about it. If I had gotten a tattoo when I was 18, your sweet mother would have a large depiction of unicorns and rainbows emblazoned on one of her limbs.”

I hate to be a poster child for potential bad choices, but it works. Neither of my children have tattoos.

Yet.

That I know of.

I’ve talked to several people about the newest Barbie, which is marketed for girls 10 and under, and got a mixed bag of reactions.

My friend, Rowland, wondered if a facial-piercing B Barbie could be next, making it look like she fell head-first into Ken’s tackle box. He also suggested a “Let’s be real Barbie” collection featuring the “aging, saggy, tattoo Barbie.”

Nancy from Austin gave her suggestion – and I think it’s a good one for the Barbie professional collection - for a Dr. Skipper, a dermatologist who will charge Barbie thousands of dollars to remove her tattoos and get Ken’s name off her pattootie.
Some say they would buy it in a heartbeat, and others either not at all or only so they can sell it online for a reasonable profit in 30 years.

It does make me long for the days when I stole Brussells sprouts out of the freezer so I could thaw them out and treat Barbie, Skipper, Ken and all of their friends to a salad party.

I made beds, tables and couches out of stolen items my mother is probably still searching for.

I did surgeries on them that no Barbie should have to endure, and gave them haircuts that would definitively end my career in the hair industry before it even started.

But every one of those little things came out of my mind, and not a box made by Mattell.

And, I bet not one tattoo in the newest “Totally Stylin’ Tattoo” kit is a unicorn jumping over a rainbow.

Case closed.