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My luge dream is big and coming true


Dreams do come true. At least in theory.

And in theory, one of my dreams could come true.

The Luge one.

Since I can remember, I’ve had a dream of having a luge team, with cute outfits and a place to train and a burning desire to make it to the real Olympics.

Until now, I had lost hope for anything but the senior Olympics.

But, I have a new contact at IESI, where my luge training field would be if only they would see things my way. And he has agreed to give me a tour of what I, not they, call Mount Trashmore.

This is a first and I think I’m gaining ground.

The reason this is key to my happiness is this: Iowa Park’s newly-developed geography, i.e. Mountain of Trash, would be the perfect training ground for my team, The Iowa Park Lugers, with it’s steep grade and path that appears to be cut out for just such an event.

Plus, trash can lids – a suitable and possible Olympic board-approved replacement for the product real lugers use to slide down hills – are in plentiful supply.

To readdress the issue of Iowa Park having an Olympic luge team, I offered IESI $1 a year plus unlimited sponsorship exposure in the event we actually made it to the Olympics.

I did not, however, offer to have the team wear trashbags as their official “sweat suit” in the opening ceremonies.

IESI has yet to officially respond to the initial request, which was made three years ago.
Unofficially, I think they said no.

The tide may have turned Tuesday when I stopped outside of Kathy’s Bakery and Deli (whom we are prepared to offer Olympic sponsorship exposure in trade for Thumbprint cookies) and said hello to Jeff Watts.

The very same Jeff Watts who works for IESI. The same Jeff Watts who would not take up my previous offer to arm wrestle for luge training arrangements at Mount Trashmore.

But Jeff did introduce me to a new guy at IESI, Jay Zook. The very same Jay Zook who can give me a tour of the top of the mountain, and let me wear a hardhat. The same Jay Zook who will be instructed by higher-ups to humor me when I try to convince him why a luge team would be good not only for Iowa Park, but for mankind.

Jeff attempted to keep me from getting my hopes up about gliding down the side of the hill on trashcan lids by telling me that there are rocks - possibly boulders - at the bottom of the track. It would be dangerous for even the most experienced luger to navigate those, he thought.

The purpose of the rocks, he said, is to keep the dirt at the bottom of the mountain from washing away. He concluded his prepared statement by saying the rocks could not be removed.

I submit that they can be removed and replaced with Rhino Liner, which would create a smooth enough surface for luging and enough cover to keep erosion under control.

And, we would need a large padded wall to stop us at the end of the run.

But time is short if we want to make it to the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

I’ll keep you posted on negotiations with my new best friend, Mr. Zook.