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A deal with the devil?

Thursday, September 2, 2021
A deal with the devil?

The Texas Goat Rodeo in Austin managed to pass 666 laws that went into effect yesterday.

Is this a sign?

Am I supposed to be under the suspicion that the entire 87th Texas Legislature fell into some kind of demonic spell, passing 666 laws?

I mean, Christopher and Alice and the Laws of Nature, couldn’t these guys and gals see what was coming? Professing to be as a whole the collective body of God, America and Family, didn’t someone see this coming and maybe could have A) added one more law to make it 667, or B) drag their tails for another day or two until the session ended, giving us 665?

No. We ended with 666 new laws. Nothing wrong here, folks. You have plenty of other social media-wrought conspiracies to deal with. These are all Good People, for God’s Sake.

I personally would have excluded Gov. Abbott’s signing of a ban on “vaccine passports”, which actually became law in June when he signed it.

It should have been clear at that moment and time that Abbott was thinking less about the safety of Texans, and his eventual bid for the White House.

Call me wrong in six months.

There, of course, is a special session going on in our weirdly crazy state capitol that will add another half dozen bills to the final tally, including the GOP-backed voting restrictions bill, changes to the bail system to make it harder for cashstarved defendants to post it, preventing transgender Texans from competing in high school sports.

You know. Important stuff.

Another special session will likely be called in the fall to address redistricting.

And that will certainly be interesting, if Congress in D.C. gets involved in the discussion.

For now, among the 666 laws passed not by the Devil but by Texas lawmakers, you will see

• Permitless carry for Texans ages 21 and older to carry handguns without training or a license, which I’m sure all law enforcement in the state feel is entirely reasonable and easier for them to perform their valuable services;

• Abortion restrictions which prohibits abortions as early as six weeks into pregnancy, where private individuals can sue abortion providers or people who assist in the procecure after an ultrasound can detect what our lawmakers defined as a “fetal heartbeat.” Embryos, unfortunately, at this point in creation don’t possess a heart;

• Medical marijuana expansion. Man, the Devil got this through, eh? Now people with any form of cancer or post-traumatic stress disorder now have access to low-THC cannabis. It doesn’t get you high, but the gummy bear stains will stick to your teeth; and

• Crimalizing homeless camping (refer to above mention of changes to the bail system) making camping in unapproved public places a misdemeanor crime that carries a fine up to $500 (cities cannot opt out).

There are so many more and maybe I’ll visit them in the near future. For now, Abbott and Patrick and Phelan and Paxton have much work to do, making your lives sound and just.